Photos on a card or social media can make you look perfect. It can make a family look perfect.
A photo is worth a thousand words but the words that are missing here are plenty.
On October 13, I passed out while holding Lucy in my arms. We both ended up on the ground somehow- no one but Olivia was around and all she could tell me was, “mommy fall down”. We took an ambulance ride to the emergency room. Everything seemed to check out for the both of us and that was that. I was told to follow up with my internist, and being the obedient person that I am, I went. Several tests, appointments, second opinions, and thousands of dollars later, we seem to now be dealing with 2 separate issues. Possible partial seizures- maybe the cause of my episode and an incidental finding of a baby aneurysm.
A lot of emotions, a lot of medical jargon, a lot of unknown.
I’ve been sinking into a quiet dark place. But I’m calling it out now. I am refusing to let this pull me under. Because there’s a blessed life to live. There are two amazing girls who need me to be the best mom I can be. There is the most giving best friend and hubs who needs me. There are goals, ambitions, plans. There are the everyday seemingly small but big tasks; there are kisses to give, there are butts to wipe, first words and steps to witness, there are the I love you’s to say and receive. There are races to run, homeless people to see, hear, and touch. There is a God to thank and believe.
So, I’m calling this darkness out.
So, pray. Pray for my second opinion appointment this afternoon in regards to my teeny tiny aneurysm. Pray that I can get it clipped without open surgery. Pray that I stay above water. And pray that I remain full of faith in the face of my worst nightmares.