7 years

The  unknown. There’s this uneasy feeling that I get, the kind that makes me feel sick to my stomach. The kind that makes my head hurt, my hands sweat, my need to tear something a part… Well, for the last several months, since Sean began the interviewing process for residency programs, I’ve been in a state of flux with these uneasy feelings.  It’s the unknown, the not being able to predict the very near future that makes me queasy.

I tried very hard to flow with it. To take it in stride, to be nonchalant (if you will) about the situation. But here I go; it’s time to purge before I teeter off the edge of control over my sanity.

To be dramatic about it (something I’m REALLY good at), on March 18, Sean will be matched with a residency program. Matched, meaning, he will rank the places he’s interviewed, and they will rank him. Then, an all powerful computer system will take the ranks of thousands upon thousands of type A, overachieving nerds and residency programs and miraculously match them together.  Quite impersonal if you ask me… But they didn’t.

Sean has been traveling all over the Midwest and a bit on the east coast for interviews. It’s been an interesting run… he has a hot Calvin Klein suit that he wears…always with the same shirt and tie (I think he thinks it’s his lucky outfit—although he’s too logical and rational to ever admit it).  I have only gone with him to one program for interviewing. It was quite interesting. I will say that immediately upon driving into this particular town, I said, “I don’t like it here”.  It was small—it took about 7 minutes to drive through their “downtown” area. Twice. BUT. When we left, I remember telling Sean that I really enjoyed my time and that I could see us living there. Now, what changed? The opener: I toured the hospital campus, what sold me was the gym. 🙂 It was MASSIVE.  The closer: the people.  Quite international (I was surprised in a very good way).

Right now we have a “Top 4” list… the order within this list changes on a daily basis.  This seems to be the hardest part of it all. How can you choose one amazing hospital against another amazing hospital? We have a list of criteria aside from the program itself; we hold great value in the location. In terms of proximity to our family, city vs. smaller town, diversity, politics, social issues (I need a job if we move)…

I guess that when it comes down to it, although I have my thoughts on where I would like to go…or stay… in the end, it’s all doable.  Where ever we end up, it will most likely be for at least 7 years (Sean is interested in doing 2 years of research in the midst of his residency. What can I say, I married an overachiever.) So, come March 18, I will be celebrating because we’ll finally know where we’ll be staying…or going…